FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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