Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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