Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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