Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
