How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
