what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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