I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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