Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
