you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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