Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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