not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
