i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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