four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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