5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
