You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
