i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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