I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
