if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
