do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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