dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
