Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
