it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
