I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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