Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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