apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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