god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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