dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
