Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
