You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
