At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
