I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
