all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize