if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish i was in the wii world.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
