wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
