I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Randomize
