Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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