k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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