I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
