I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
