I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
