he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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