new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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