Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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