I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
