I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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