so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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