i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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