singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
