Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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