Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
