Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
