More tranny stories later!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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