there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize