shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
