he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
