so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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