I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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