So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
