his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize