Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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