Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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