I CAN MOONWALK!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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