we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro