I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON