Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex