Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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