I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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