I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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