I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
