he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
