Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
