The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
