upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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