You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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