i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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