there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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