cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
